Transfer Student Essay

Paragraph 2: Sociologist Lev Vygotsky believed that peers play a major role in an individual’s development and learning.

Paragraph 2: Sociologist Lev Vygotsky believed that peers play a major role in an individual’s development and learning.The students and friends with whom I grew up were extraordinarily bright, competitive, and creative.

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In this post, we analyze an essay example excerpted from College Admission Essays for Dummies by Geraldine Woods to complement the example for the University of Pennsylvania that we’ve previously critiqued.

The essay we’ll analyze here leaves a lot of room for improvement, though it has many positive aspects.

One Saturday in October, while walking to the dining hall, I realized that I was one of five people on campus.

With the majority of undergraduates living in on-campus dorms, the campus of Northern State fosters a unique intimacy. Such activity creates a comfortable environment that promotes interaction and the formation of strong bonds between members of the community.

If you decide to feature an anecdote in your introduction, create a vivid image (or movie) of a piece of your life in the reader’s mind. Other than including a short transition, avoid dragging this story into the next paragraph.

Don’t make this episode the sole content of your essay.

Admission officers have many applications to read; there’s no need to burden them with excessive words.

Some of the best Common Application transfer essays I’ve read started with a brief “a slice of life” anecdote, a short narrative that captures an episode in one’s life.

Conversations concerning classroom topics and related materials have been limited.

I have not been sufficiently challenged or stimulated by my peers. Also, the applicant writes positively about her current school, citing, for example, its small class size and the seminar formats.